Letting your child "help" with planning and preparations takes more time and work than just doing everything yourself--BUT, doing so improves the chances the party will satisfy your child, gives him a sense of the work and expense involved in throwing a party, and provides lots of learning and bonding opportunities.
Tips for involving your child successfully:
When there are decisions to be made, narrow options to a handful and let your child make the final choice.
Break up tasks into small steps and spread them out over time.
Allow for plenty of extra time when your child is assisting.
Suit the job to his skill level: for example, let him place decorations on the cake rather than spread the frosting.
Talk about money; this is a great opportunity to start or further your child's financial education. One way to do this is to get the money for the party in cash, and hand it to your child to dole out personally. Or use play money to show how it will be spent.
Adjust your standards: for example, if your child makes the decorations, they're going to look like they were done by a 4-year-old rather than a professional--and that's okay. Don't expect young kids to appreciate the expense and trouble of an elaborate party and don't worry what other parents think.
Remember, your child may have an even better sense of what his friends will think is fun than a professional party planner will!
2. Organize Around a Theme
This is often the most personal and fun part of party planning for your child.
Having a theme makes decision-making (and sometimes shopping) easier for you and your child.
Remember: not every detail has to fit the theme!
Prefer an "un-theme" party? Try:
"Old-fashioned party" (Get vintage supplies like poppers and fringed treat cups, have a simple cake, and play classic games like drop-the-clothespin.)
"Nothing Goes Together" (Use up mismatched paper goods from previous parties, invite guests to wear wacky outfits, play whatever seems fun.)
3. Short, Small, and Simple is Usually Better
And comfortably affordable is best!
Young children are easily overwhelmed--and the excitement of having a birthday lowers their threshold for "too much."
Accept that guests and/or the birthday child may act up, choose not to participate, inadvertently break rules, or display poor manners.
One and a half to two hours is a good length for most parties; 4-6 weeks is optimal for planning.
If you opt for a large party, secure plenty of help and anticipate extra safety concerns.
You only need to include your child's closest friends; if you already know the children well, managing them at the party will be easier.
Make a plan for your child's siblings during the party. Options include: treating them like guests, assigning a helper to them (e.g., for much younger sibs), giving older sibs jobs (you may want to "pay" them), or making arrangements for them to be away during the party.
If your child is easily overwhelmed, consider an outing or special meal with one or two friends instead of a full-blown party.
4. Plan the Party Flow
Here's a good schedule for a 90-minute party:
15 minutes for arrival (including a simple craft or semi-structured free play, like dress-up or playing with bubbles)
45 minutes for group games/activities or entertainment
15 minutes for cake and refreshments
15 minutes for gifts, a "waiting-for-pick up" game, and goody bags (hand them to kids as they depart).
Alternate active or noisy games with quieter crafts or circle games.
Plan more activities than you think you'll need in case some don’t work or go too quickly.
If kids are enjoying an activity, feel free to let it continue. (But try to wrap it up before they lose interest entirely.)
If guests haven't arrived within 15 minutes, start without them. (Have someone call to check on late arrivals.)
Post copies of the schedule near every activity, to help you stay on track.
5. Plan Entertainment That Suits Your Child and Guests
When thinking about activities, remember kids nearly always prefer doing to watching. Making puppets, for example, is likely more appealing than watching a puppet show.
Take developmental levels into account. For instance, many young children are afraid of large costumed characters; older kids are likely to be critical of a borderline magician.
Everyone should have fun; everyone should be able to participate. Tweak games to avoid competition or elimination and to suit the abilities of all the guests. Check out these age-appropriate ideas for party games.
If kids will have to wait for a turn with the entertainment—such as having a caricature drawn or taking a picture with a costumed character-- plan a simultaneous activity.
Make sure you let entertainers know whether your child prefers to be the star or just one of the crowd.
6. Don't Stress About the Food!
Young children have small appetites and finicky tastes–and excitement and a dose of sugar often wipes out hunger altogether.
If you serve cupcakes that kids can decorate themselves or other make-your-own items, the refreshments can be an activity as well as food.
Preschoolers are satisfied with about half a typical adult serving of cake.
Plan enough servings for helpers, parents who stay, siblings--and leftovers, in case your child is too excited to eat at the party.
Indicate clearly on the invitation whether you’ll be serving a meal if the party is anywhere close to a mealtime.
Ask about allergies when guests RSVP.
7. Use Music to Set the Mood
Theme-related music can help get kids in the right mindset as they arrive.
Play up-tempo music during active games, and use quiet music to help calm children before pick-up.
Let your child be involved in choosing songs.
Music-related activities, like freeze-dancing, karaoke, and sing-alongs are easy, fun for many ages and work with most themes.
Use a song with hand motions or a finger play to get the group's attention before introducing a new activity.
8. Expect Kids to Act Like Kids
Be sure to point out bathrooms as children arrive, and monitor kids for signs they need to go (like doing the "pee dance"); the excitement of a party can make kids forget.
Plan for messes and spills. Protect surfaces likely to get dirty, have cover-ups for children's clothes if necessary, and be ready to clean up after "accidents" promptly.
Accept that guests and/or the birthday child may act up, choose not to participate, inadvertently break rules, or display poor manners.
If a child is misbehaving, praising a child who is behaving appropriately is often as effective as confronting the misbehaving child. (Try this first.)
Childproof before the party, have your child put away belongings he doesn't want disturbed, and clearly mark boundaries of the party area.
If a child persistently or seriously misbehaves, calmly give him one last chance, then call to have a parent take him home. (This should almost never be necessary!)
